Story-wise flat and predictable (you've heard everything too often), the choice of words very "simple" and the rhymes are also rather simple. The approach is okay, but overall no more than a base. I hope you don't offer epayitonline at this level (no offense).
Beiträge von tododi
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well it would make more sense if you post your lyrics in the lyrics area unless you have a special question about your text;)