Moin zusammen.
Bin noch ein Blutiger Anfänger im Bereich der Rapszene, und genau deshalb wär es Klasse, wenn man etwas konstruktive Kritik im Bezug auf Reime und Aufbau liefern könnte.
Einige Benennungen sind rein Fiktiver Natur im folgenden Text
Everfree
Strollin through the woods of Everfree
on my search for the great Clevertree
The Plant that gives you wisdom and knowledge
not bothering the critters, keeping it low edge
Yo yo it feels like I'm wandering cyrcles
into an unkown land of endless cycles.
Sun doesn't reach the mossy ground
a place worth searchin but never found
Timberwolfs howling Manticores screamin
and admiting it makes me feel like I'm intensly dreaming
Not a nightmare but more of a fantasy
that was ripped out of a storybook in extasy
What is real and what is not,
can't seem to figure out that plot
Eventhough I thought I knew the way
I lost myself inside the woods so to say
Darkness around me above and by my side
I was finally willing to end this ride
When I finally felt the sun on my coat,
it felt like catching that live savin boat
Put my hoof down on a gigantic meadow
where a tree rested in the middle, alone like a widow
Under it grew it green base but rainbow leafs
and in me a grew a feeling sudden peace
As I was ready to pick the flower
I heard a voice with a hypnotic power
„Would you share that knowledge you recieve?
Would somebody listen, would they even believe?“
I have no clue, I answered into the wild empty space
But it doesn't matter, since noone can take the memory of this place
I take this plant and it'll take me up the sky
my mind will be spin and like a helecopter I will fly
„So be it“ the voice answered and next I know
Me and twelf elves were sitting in the meadow
Smoking the clevertree getting no knowledge what so ever
But still, the wonderfull memory remains in me forever.